Posted by
Michael Goodell on Thursday, January 15, 2009 12:17:07 PM
A grateful nation took time out from their daily hand wringing sessions this week to celebrate the latest edition of “American Idol.” No, that’s not the title of a new Barack Obama biography by the editorial staff of “Newsweek.” In fact, it is a television show in which a panel of Hollywood has- beens presides over the wretched wailings of desperate Grammy-winning wannabes. Apparently “American Idol” provides millions of viewers with hours of nonstop entertainment, as well as creating a new Pantheon of household names such as Kelly Clarkson, Nikki McKibbin, Fantasia Barrino and William Hung.
Lost in the sturm und drum of recycled pop tunes, and the cacophony of off-key chanteuses clutching and grabbing for the Golden Ring of fleeting stardom, is the emerging crisis of a celebrity glut. Each year “American Idol” joins with “The Bachelor,” “The Bachelorette,” “Survivor,” and a couple dozen other woefully misnamed “reality tv” shows to generate a spate of second tier celebrities.
These flashes-in-the pan are forced to compete for space in magazines, tabloids, and even daily newspapers, without which, they will die. Even though the number of publications dedicated to preserving these desperate celebrities increases daily, there isn’t enough room in them to keep the burgeoning ranks of celebrityhood healthy. Add to this the environmental damage wrought by celebrity mags through the slaughter of trees to produce the paper, the pollution from ink manufacture, the energy spent printing them, and the deadly carbon dioxide emitted by delivery trucks, and we are truly confronting a crisis of epic proportions.
To make matters worse, while the United States is awash in celebrities, there are places in this world which suffer from a critical dearth of celebrities. Some countries, such as Iran are so celebrity-impoverished that they are reduced to celebrating ancient Imams who died more than 700 years ago. In other countries, like Somalia, little children go to bed at night with no hope of ever having a Ruben Studdard poster on their wall. It is little wonder that they grow up to be pirates. Imagine how many more opportunities they would have if they had, say, a picture book devoted to the “Love Boat” cast reunion.
In fact, US intelligence figures suggest that the recent pirate attack on a Cruise Ship off the Somalian coast was the result of a misunderstanding. Apparently one of the pirates, scoping the ship through his Zeiss binoculars, mistook the portly, balding cruise ship captain for Gavin MacLeod. “It’s Captain Steubing,” was heard to cry just before the boats were launched. If only he had Clay Aiken’s latest release on his i-pod, that foray might never have happened.
It’s not just Somalia and Iran which are celebrity deprived. Consider Rwanda, Zimbabwe, even Venezuela and Bolivia. It is almost impossible to find a magazine featuring the comings and goings of Brangelina, or Nicole, or Paris, or even Madonna. If only they had the opportunity to discuss Jen’s recent (and disturbing) weight gain, then maybe they would have left their machetes in the shed.
Even though President-Elect Obama will have his hands full once he takes office, dealing as he will with the worst economy in the history of the world, an ongoing bloodbath in Iraq, and a world still venomous in their hatred of us thanks to the cowboy diplomacy of George W. Bush, perhaps no issue will be as momentous as America’s celebrity glut, and the growing imbalance between celebrity rich and celebrity poor countries.
It is time to spread the wealth around. The world will be a much better place if we can find a way to share our superfluity with those less fortunate. President Obama can begin to close the great divide by instituting a program in which some of our celebrities are given, free of charge, to Zaire, Myanmar, and North Korea. If it were me, I’d start with Randy Jackson, Simon Cowell, and Paula Abdul.
Just think, we’d all be better off.
www.zenithrising.webs.com