Posted by
Michael Goodell on Tuesday, February 16, 2010 12:29:11 PM
http://www.mlgoodell.webs.com
The worst thing about CBC not covering the Olympics is we have to watch them on NBC. According to NBC, there is more to the Winter Olympics than pairs figure skating. For instance, there's women's figure skating, men's figure skating, and lots of interesting stories about American figure skaters. Also, this year, for the first time ever, Americans learned there is something called Nordic Combined. Amazing what a silver medal will do for coverage.
Among other things we are learning this year is Bob Costas does a really awful Bob Costas impersonation. Last night, however, we learned a fascinating fact about Canadians. Bob welcomed Mary Carillo into his studio. Carillo used to make one's skin crawl while doing tennis commentary. Tragically, she has expanded her brief to include the Olympics. Sitting there sporting a Nancy Pelosi Page Boy haircut, which in itself was enough to make one look for an open window in a tall building, during an introduction to a special report on, you guessed it, polar bears, (apparently they were running the zamboni over at the figure skating rink), she announced, "As everybody knows, 90% of Canadians live between their border and ours."
After pondering the import of that statement, which suddenly assumed a greater urgency than my previous speculation whether Mary or Bob had undergone more facelifts, I concluded she must mean the other 10% of Canadians are expats. While it’s entirely possible they are all part of Celine Dion’s posse, it’s still hard to figure out what that has to do with polar bears. By the way, if you missed Carillo’s report, polar bears are cute, cuddly little creatures, but you don’t want to get too close to them. Sort of like Johnny Weir, when you come to think of it.
Weir, in case you missed the wall-to-wall buildup, is America’s hope for a Men’s Figure Skating medal. Weir designs his own costumes, and “pushes the envelope,” as they say in euphemistic circles. You might think of him as Lambert on skates.
In other Olympic news, there are a lot of people from a lot of weird little countries, competing in events in which Americans don’t do very well. If you look closely, you might catch a glimpse of them in brief little montages the folks at NBC like to run just before another of the innumerable commercial breaks. It’s enough to make you nostalgic for Howard Cosell.