Posted by
Michael Goodell on Friday, October 15, 2010 12:37:50 PM
http://www.mlgoodell.webs.com
The Giant Pander is an Endangered Species. It is rarely found in captivity, but is known to prowl the halls of Congress, devouring blue dogs. While primarily a land animal, negotiating the steep, fog-shrouded hills of her natural habitat, and nearby pricey vineyards, the Giant Pander frequently flies back and forth across the country, for no apparent reason, often with two or three generations of offspring in tow.
The Giant Pander is distinguished by designer pants suits, and a tasteful silk scarf to conceal the wattles on her 70-year-old neck. She can be identified by the psychotic little titter she makes when announcing the passage of massive, bankrupting bills that no one wants or understands. The way to know a Giant Pander is lying is to watch her lips. If they are moving, she is.
The Giant Pander announced yesterday that as soon as Democrat Congressional candidates finish getting their butts kicked, they will return to Congress to pass a measure giving $250 to 58 million Social Security recipients. No, this isn’t a Stimulus bill. This is a fairness bill. Why do we need to add $15 billion to a deficit already worthy of a Greek tragedy (or even a Greek budget)? Because for the second consecutive year, there will be no Cost of Living Adjustment, or COLA, for Social Security recipients. Why is there no COLA? Because the Consumer Price Index, used to determine whether there is a need for cost of living adjustments, has not increased. According to the CPI, prices remain below the level they reached in 2008.
If the Giant Pander had the interests of her country at heart, she would explain to retirees that Social Security is not their personal, limitless ATM. She would explain to them what the CPI represents, and why that determines cost of living adjustments. She would help them understand that they do not deserve a raise in their allowance every time the price of Depends ticks up down at The Villages Stop and Shop.
Instead, the Giant Pander urges passage of a $15 billion dollar bribe. The Giant Pander believes Social Security recipients are so greedy, and so venal that they’ll pocket $250 cash, and vote as they’re told to. No doubt some of them are, but there are enough of them who realize the Giant Pander and the rest of her ilk are spending their children and grandchildren’s futures on a feeding frenzy binge which would make even a French civil servant blush.
That is why the Giant Pander is an Endangered Species. Let us hope, come November 2, the American people will put her out of her misery.